When you are stuck in the middle of life, it can feel like an unpleasant, unpredictable and mysterious scene that’s being replayed over and over. You’re the actor, and the audience are the people inside of your little bubble. Sometimes the feelings of uncertainty can be staring you right in the face; however, the only thing you’re certain of is that if you don’t keep moving forward, you are soon to get stuck right in the place you promised yourself you would never return to again.
For many of us, feeling stuck or not knowing what your next move should be can be a very scary and self-critical place to be. Sometimes the barriers of worry, unbelief, doubt or mistrust can leave you feeling hopeless. In this season, I find myself in the middle of nowhere, but yet I continue trying to walk on the water, keeping my hope and faith on the One above. One thing that I know for sure is that whenever I’m writing blogs, I find myself going before everyone that’s reading them as though I’m predicting my next move or experience in life.
With that being said, as I started this new journey of being self-employed, I heard God call me out and say “Take the step of faith by stepping out on the water”. After I took the steps, I felt things begin to happen and a shifting took place. I started to move in the direction I believed God was calling me too. Many spiritual gifts that I had not acknowledged or that I had neglected were being released, and I actually felt like I was walking on water. My faith was rising, and the creative side of me was flourishing so much that I was amazed by what God was helping me create. But then, all of a sudden, I started to feel abandoned. I didn’t feel Jesus walking alongside me anymore. I started thinking, “I feel like Peter when he took his eyes off Jesus, and he began sinking.”
“‘Lord, if it’s you,’ Peter replied, ‘tell me to come to you on the water.’ ‘Come,’ he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’”— Matthew 14: 28-31 (NIV)
During the time that Jesus was right by my side, I had faith in Him and things were moving; I felt secure. When I didn’t feel Him, however, I started to rely on my own strength and doubted that the promises He made were actually for me. I started to doubt if I was really hearing Him.
Can I tell my story, and be real for a moment?
When I laid face down and cried out to my Daddy, I asked Him why I was going through this process of not knowing where my next client or my next paycheck was coming from. I heard God say, “You had faith to step out on the water, but now I want to know if you’ll trust me.” I thought, ‘Wait, What? God, trust you? I don’t have time for this… I have bills to pay.” I wondered why we needed to go through a demonstration when He already knew the answer; He’s God, and He knows everything. In reality though, what could I have done but wait and trust Him? I knew that I refused to come this far and this close to the promises just to turn back. Now I am constantly thinking, “Although it’s not easy Lord, I’ll trust you!”
In the Bible, it tells us a story of how Paul and Silas waited on God and how they were attacked by a crowd, beaten and thrown in jail. The jailer put them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in the stocks…….About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. SUDDENLY …… there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.-Acts 16 (NIV)
So now I am at my suddenly…….Since then, and continuously today, NO bills are going unpaid. For years I operated from a standpoint of “I knew when I was getting paid and which pay period covered certain bills like clockwork.” However, I believe God is breaking me out of these worldly structures, plans and disciplines by teaching me to trust in Heaven’s economy and not the world’s economy. The longer I wait patiently to see what God’s next move is for my life, the more trust, love and humility is working through me for my good!
“And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”-Romans 8:28
I will not only pray for myself, but for all of you who are reading my blog today. I want to encourage you to wait on the Lord and be of good courage because your SUDDENLY IS COMING! Sometimes, it may seem as though He’s not listening to us, but I promise you that He hears all of us. He feels our pain, our hurts, our frustrations, and even our loneliness. As I wait on His promises to manifest in my life, I’m learning how to trust Him more and more.
Someday I will look back over my life and remember He’s international, and that He did it for me again and again! If He did it for Paul and Silas then, My friend, He is worth the wait, and His promises will never return to Him void. God’s power is limitless, and He’ll break through for you and me too!